When there’s a clash in opinion or argument, the anger resided in us often results in hurling of spiteful words that we tend to regret thereafter. Or some would react in contrast like my angelic sister who would remain clenched up in fist and keep their anger subdued into the deep realms of their hearts. Then, if both parties value their face more than the relationship, the bond that takes years of build will go ka-boom where the obstinate pair makes no effort to patch back.
Neither of these ways would lead to the root of the problem. Neither of these will straighten out and ease the situation. And trust me, if the quandary is not sorted out immediately, the scar will etched in deeper as more misunderstanding reign in along with the assumption that “I am the right one. He is the wrong one. He must apologise. If he doesn’t, we are over.”
In alternative to engaging in a spurt of fits and rage, how about being a [mature] man/woman and talk it out with the adversary in-said argument? If you don’t let on what you’re mad about and your reasonings behind it, who will be able to figure out what is going on in your mind?
Ask yourself: why are you agitated? Why do you disagree with him? Are you being rational and logical? Do you have substantial evidence or grounds to support your allegations? If you ticked all to the above, have a private lunch with him/her and sort it out like two adults. When I said adults, that means not resorting to accusatory tones and don’t try to prove you’re the right one. Try to step into his shoes and think from his perspective. Maybe he has a point there. In that case, devise a way out that will be mutually beneficial.
Both of you will feel so much at ease when you both extend your hands and shake/hug it out after it has all worked out. Months on, you guys will be laughing at how silly it is to be indulged in trivial matters.
Isn’t that easier than hanging on to anger which in turn disrupt your performance at work, thereby affecting your personal well-being at the same time?
I am one who always speak out my displeasure and dissatisfaction. I believe in having an open discussion if I am uncomfortable with any decisions made by my parents. I do get mad at first but I refrain myself from giving in to aggravation which will very likely lead to a whole new series of quarrels. Rather than slamming the door or ignoring each other for days, I take a deep breath and insist on having a heart-to-heart talk.
I am lucky to have both parents who are willing to lend their ears and have an open-mind when I object to something. Although the final decision might not stood by me, but when I explain why I am angry, it feels like a heavy stone has finally been lifted from my heart. Most of the time, they tend to comprehend my point of view which we then work towards achieving a win-win solution.
We are not born perfect. Flaws are designed to make us learn from mistakes and experiences. In an argument, we don’t care who is the winner or loser; who is right or wrong. Are a moment of pride and dignity really more worthy than the friendship/kinship that we have all constructed for so many years? Forget about self-regard and equip yourself a pinch of humility: Talk it out.
As depicted in the picto-quote above, “Explain your anger, don’t express it & you will immediately open the door to solutions instead of arguments.”